Monday, May 15, 2006
Yesterday I saw my favorite professor walking towards me on the other side of the street. I thought about crossing over to say hi, but I didn’t know if that would seem friendly or sycophantic. But it would have felt strange to disregard even an acquaintance in public, much less the man at whose side my voice had caught and heart juddered all semester in workshop. I thought about calling out, but then I was afraid that would undermine the semblance of blasé assurance I’d been so carefully cultivating in his presence. Finally I decided on a hearty, though not too strenuous, wave. I looked at the sidewalk and pretended not to have noticed him. When we drew close, I absentmindedly looked up, and then adopted an expression of sudden recognition. I tried to wave, but my sleeve somehow got stuck in my jacket pocket, and by the time I could free my arm, which sprang like a toy snake from a can, my professor had already passed by. He never saw me. Once I got home, I couldn’t stop crying. This shit is totally corrupt.